SPRING 2018_5
Dear Whom It May Concern,
- SOPHSEM 2900 Soph Sem: Interdisciplinary
Estelle Song (#2330472)
Professor Alan Strathmann
Art & Technology 2900 - 024
26 February 2018
While most of the currently enrolled students of SAIC's student number starts with 23'6' or later, my student number starts with 23'3'. I was officially admitted to SAIC in 2010 at the National Portfolio Day despite of my age, a sophomore at a high school in Southern California; highly recommended to take GED (since I already had decent SAT score and GPA) and to become a part of SAIC, I gently declined the offer, reapplied a year later like everyone else did around me, and basically, enjoyed the rest of my high school life. All I had to do when the time of applying to colleges came, was submitting the merit scholarship portfolio, which I really poured myself all into, and received full-ride for my SAIC life. Even though I was admitted to all of the schools I applied, there was something special about Chicago, and I just had to come to SAIC; surely disparate and exhilarating compare to the town where I am from, where I could surf and wear sweatshirts and an extra-short pants with a pair of Uggs (yes, Uggs with shorts) almost every single day of a year, and just the vibe of the city - the people, the weather and everything - was simply mesmerizing. I was in love with the Windy City.
It's already February of 2018, and even though I was supposed to be graduated two years ago, I am still at SAIC, taking a sophomore seminar, and yes, my student number starts with 23'3' - I even had to issue a new student ID card because it expired. Most of my colleagues and or roommates are either working at field, or pursue their study for master's degrees: no matter how awful their works were - I still remember this one student who drew himself masturbating, in size of 4 feet by 6 feet (he graduated as well) or took a break to catch up with their basic human needs and dignity, and they still all managed to graduate.
I took two long leave of absences. As a 'Cali Girl', the winter of Chicago was unbearably long, dark and cold; the spring semesters of SAIC was the biggest obstacle of my life. Always trying too hard to differentiate myself and making a bold statement through what I make and dealing with the weather of Chicago I was not expecting at all, at the same time, I have drained myself quite quickly to the point where I could not physically manage the basic daily routine. While I was forced to recover myself by taking a leave of absence, everyone seemed to be just moving forward - in full speed. I despised myself for being 'weak': after several suicidal attempts, hospitalizations and 'recovery' phases, I felt empty - in fact, I was empty. I had absolutely no intention of making any sorts of art, or even a statement, as simple as 'I am hungry right now' The early acceptance to colleges and scholarships, privileges of being a 'special one' - all were faded over time as time goes by. When I came back to school after the second leave of absence, which was last semester, I was older than teaching assistants. I never mentioned my age in class, sometimes even lied, just to blend into the environment currently I am in.
I actually never stopped pursuing my career as an 'artist' while I was taking leave of absences: I worked as a curator of two galleries, and as a designer and as a director of an advertising agency. What I did for the companies I worked for were extremely far from what I used to do or loved, however, what I had to do for them, constantly reminded me that deep inside of me wants to go back to school and overcome the obstacle I have never been able to. The agency I last worked for, actually offered me amount of salary that I could never thought of, even after I 'properly' graduate college and work in the field for at least five years; I never liked what I did, however, I was somehow too good at it, enough for the companies to be willing to pay this mentally-unstable college dropout, that much.
Yet after all the offers and the 'temptation' of the real world, I decided to finish what I have started; I did consider transferring to other schools where I don't have to worry about the gloominess of winter, but I am already in deep love (and slight hatred) with Chicago. My parents even asked me to just stay home, be healthy, do whatever I want to do, and simply out of all, always be their beloved joyous daughter. I still want to finish what I have started. I am always embarrassed when people ask me to repeat my student ID number because they usually think they heard it wrong, and seeing those seniors graduating this semester who I have never seen before yet younger than I am, makes me depressed; I did regret and questioned myself several times why in the world I came back to this place.
However, I remembered why I wanted to study art at the first place: I went to Louvre seven times a week just to see Jacques-Louis David's the Coronation of Napoleon in person, for a month. A thirteen-year-old girl started crying the moment she encountered Raphael's Transfiguration because it was the most beautiful thing she has ever seen: I love classical arts. I appreciate and like all kinds of arts in general, no matter when and where it originated from, however, it was Michelangelo and Caravaggio, da Vinci and Botticelli and countless classical masters, who I truly believe where 'art' has started. Thanks to my parents who are supportive of what I am interested in, I got to visit almost all of the 'big' art museums around the world; yet I always came back to those old masters, because I strongly believe none of the artworks could have been made without the work of classical artists.
Once I was obsessed to show off what I am capable as an artist - both technique and style wise, however, I was never satisfied with what I made, because I knew it was not as good or significant as those what I love and define as true 'art'. The works I have done during my teenage, definitely represented what I am capable of and basically who I am and allowed me to get to a higher education and knowledge, yet because I am already overwhelmed by what I believe a true 'art' is, I was never satisfied with what I make. I never stopped loving art, yet I thought there is no way to really come up with something original; something sexually appealing to the point that makes the audience uncomfortable? Egon Schiele and Edward Weston. Hyper-realism? Almost everyone has access to cameras. Culturally challenging and or against? We have the internet.
I may be too cynical and pessimistic, yet the conclusion I have reached as an 'artist', was to preserve and maintain the original influential masterpieces, so despite of my lack of creativity or 'talent' as an artist, I would still be able to distribute my ability to this world as an 'artist'. From what I have observed as a 'student who's ID number starts with 23'3', there are more than enough artists who create things restlessly, not only in SAIC but all around the world - and I thought I do not have to stress myself to create something or try too hard to make a statement, instead, I can use my articulate and artistic skills to conserve the classical arts so they can last longer, and inspire generations after generations. I came back to SAIC to learn skills and techniques that will help me to pursue what I believe in as an artist.
According to my research, the field of art conservation and restoration requires years of practices and studies, and not only I need to be a skillful artist, I have to be experts in many subjects such as chemistry, history, and even physics. I am well aware of the fact that I have a long way ahead, and I am already far behind; even the number 23'3' already intimidates me. Yet what I have been going through in my life, clarified and solidified the ultimate reason why I want to continue my artist practice at SAIC, and now I appreciate every single bit of what I do as an artist, and as a responsible individual.